These are the days that make me question everything that I've been working towards. They make me question why I would choose to distance myself from my family so much. Why would anyone choose to miss the important moments like a little brother's first prom or the search for a new family pet?
These are the days that I wake up after three hours of tossing and turning that I might call "sleep" and sit in my darkened bedroom crying because I have never felt more alone.
These are the days that I worry my mother endlessly with my calls. She might ask me if I need to come home—if you need to transfer because she's worried that you can't handle life on your own.
It's okay to feel like you don't have everything under control. I spend a lot of time thinking that I have to put up a certain front because people expect certain things of me. As much as this seems like an act of strength, it feels a lot like cowardice in the end. It is okay to ask for help.
The truth is, there are a million and three people willing to jump into action if you say "please."
Try going on adventure. It doesn't have to be a big adventure, maybe just find a new place you can go to do homework, somewhere with a lot of natural light, or try a new food or drink. Yesterday I tried ginger beer for the first time and that simple thing made me smile.
It's not a matter of relying on others to make you happy. Look at it as letting your friends do exactly what friends are supposed to do. Somewhere down the road you can repay them by doing the same thing when they need it most.
If music helps you, try finding a song that helps you feel good about where you are. For me, it's this Andrew Bird song called Pulaski at Night. It mentions Chicago in such a positive and moving way and it reassures me that I do really love where I am.
Whatever you do, don't give up. I have faith in you. If you do this one thing for me, I promise the same in return: I won't give up.
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