Less

In high school, the thing I was most self conscious of was the fact that people thought a teacher was always coming when they heard the heels of my boots clicking on the linoleum.
And even on my worst days, I was the example teachers used of how to dress professionally.
My uniform was somehow being a young professional when I was only young.
Now I look at the button downs and cardigans hanging in my closet and cringe. Mostly because I don't think that's the person I am, but also because they don't quite fit. Nothing fits anymore and it's so disheartening. What does fit, I always accidentally shrink, even when I'm extra careful.

I don't know how to be 19. I don't think I was ever prepared to be 19. I think I assumed I was going to skip right over it. I'm terrified about graduating college at 20 and finding a real job and starting my life. I feel like I never got to live college and now I'm already jumping into adulthood.

I'm really struggling right now and I'm trying so hard to be a functioning adult because I know I can do it in the long run. I'm meant to be where I am but there are always days where I want to give up for just a little while and have someone make me tea and tuck me into bed and tell me that everyone has bad days or weeks but that doesn't mean I'm less of a person.

Right now I feel like less of a person and I'm trying so hard to feel like more.